The meeting started with an indroduction from Robert Soni. Rob is second generation Indian American and explained the environment he grew up in more than 20 years ago and how it is different from today. He went to two different high schools and made an interesting observation that more students went to discriminating colleges from a relative inexpensive neighborhood where families were more academically oriented than from an affluent neighborhood with a different profile of familes. Rob was a straight A students, top of his class and was a National Merit Scholar.

Rob also explained that in the field of engineering, graduate school is very important. Since graduating, Rob has also taught courses at NJIT and Columbia and it has given him the perspective from both sides in the classroom. He mentioned that core set of valuess are very important. He encourages students to decide on extra-curricular activities based on what they enjoy and not just for resume. Everyone is special at something and if you focus on that, you can get into whatever you want.

Rajive Jain was next to speak. He explained the background he grew up in India. We had very set ideas about how to succeed. A lof of time was spent on preparing for the competitive examinations that are held at the end of high school. In contrast, Priya Jain participated in every play and went to every sports meet. They did not find any particular value in both parents having an identical mindset. It is also important to know that a child has their own mindset and laying down a path for the child is neither required nor productive.

Rajive continued to high school years of Shefali where he came to realized that the system is designed the right way for the students to succeed. It gives them freedom to pursue whatever they like and is designed to bring out the individuality which is needed in future. The activities are designed in a way to allow kids to contribute, give back to community and develop confidence. A student learns how to talk. It would not be very productive if the kids did not participate in activities and stayed at home. Rajive also contrasted the system here from that in India and felt that the process here is better for the students. He felt that parents should have faith in the system.

Rob added on the same thought. Havind different activities in the profile of students helps learn prioritization, time management and ability to defend a position. It also leads to a more balanced life. He encouraged a conversation between parents and children and asking children and helping them find what makes them different. Once you get down that path, it helps you become a leader and helps you make your own mind, all the attributes that will come in handy later in the life.

Rajive introduced the concept of Venn Diagram that was appreciated by everyone. He elaborated that there are things one likes, things one is good at and things that make money later in the life. If you put it all in a Venn Diagram, you want to focus on the intersection of all three. Doing stuff that does not make a living later in the life is not going to make one a happy person. Following the passion is very important, following it with a bit of pragmatism is a little better. It is easy to go for easy subjects, push yourself a little hard and go for courses that are a bit more complex and a bit more difficult.

Priya mentioned an anecdote where Shefali wanted to be a professional volleyball player since she was passionate about it. Priya encouraged it with the caveat that she cannot let grades drop because of it and also encouraged her to think about other things she is passionate about and not focus on one thing only. A few weeks later, Shefali realized that there are other things, like travel, that she really likes and realized that following other passions will help her achieve more of what she likes in life. Rajive found that teachers are very helpful to students and he encouraged everyone to talk to teachers. He related the story of a kid who was encouraged by his math teacher. After some time, the teacher put the kid in touch with others who could help him more and helped kid achieve excellence. The kid was later accepted into Harvard.

There was s discussion about the process which most families were familiar with. Rajive explained that Shefali took all the exams, it helps to schedule subject tests along with the course work. He cautioned against taking the easy courses as the school is not going to push students, school will only recommend. There was a quetion about taking SAT preparation classes and Shefali did not take any. Priya talked about the peer group that Shefali was part of and how it helped. It is good to have friends who you get along with. You figure out what is going on and help each other through the process. Friends have more influence than parents at times.

At this time, the conversation turned to counsellor. Many felt that the counsellors are risk averse and they tend to focus on keeping their scores up as opposed to encouraging students to do their best. For example, if no students applies to a discriminating school and nobody gets in, it looks better for counsellor than 5 students applying and one getting an acceptance letter. Most parents felt that we need to our own research. Shefali had an essay workshop in August. Rajive mentioned a software program that records all your activities in high school. Essays are very important and even though you do not get your topic until Fall, it helps to write an eassay and have someone critique it. The essays are very personal.

Rajive recommended that one should speak with one's own voice. One should not try to fake it as experienced readers can figure out very quickly. Shefali wrote about gathering of her parents every weekend and what goes on in these converations. The same is true for recommendations. The college admission team is good at deciphering what is genuine and what is not.

There was some talk about the process in discriminating colleges. The consensus was there was no deterministic way of predicting who will be accepted. Priya recommended against putting pressure on kids. She thought it is better to know what you are passionate about and strategize from there. Rajive recommended that families should spread the risk, have some safe schools in the profile, some medium schools and some high end schools. Covering the whole spectrum is a smart approach in his opinion.

Rajive also mentioned that Shefali was very methodical, systematic, dedicated and hard working throughout her high school years. She has great time management skills and you could see her plan in yellow stickies on her desk. She planned for two weeks in advance and did not hesitate to go for entertainment a day before the exam because she had already prepared for it in advance. The importance of being articulate was also emphasized. One should request an interview and most discriminating colleges will interview you.