Home→Adolescence→Off Site→Meetings→Next
Next Meeting
| Date | TBD |
|---|---|
| Host | TBD |
| Topic | What is Success, What Works |
| Moderator | TBD |
Agenda
- Parent Round Table - 55 minutes
- Candidate Round Table - 55 minutes
- Anything else
- Dinner/Social/Movie
Context
This is in contrast to the previous meeting which was organized as "one to many" conversation. Many families felt that the information being discussed was already known to them and some felt that they should have had an opportunity to speak also. This conversation is being organized to give everyone an opportunity to speak and share what they know.The conversation is structured to verbalize ideas that are sometimes implicit in social context and to give all participants an equal amount of time to speak.
We are a group of thinking individuals. We are working to be someone or achieve something. We all have a aim in our mind and we are doing something to achieve it. This conversation is about identifying what we want and what type of actions work in our favor. We hope to know each other better so we can organize future events in a more focussed and effective manner.
What is success
There is no common universally accepted definition of success. It means different to differnet individuals. For a community group to work, we need to get a better understanding of what each one of us means by success and what we are trying to achieve when we work on something. The underlying thought behind these meeting is to find out what we can do to help each other and do more of it for our shared benefit. What one wants to achieve may be different from another. As we hear each other, we may find convergence of views or we may discover that our objectives are very different.
Success is also a function of the environment we are interacting in. For an adult, the various venues of success are work, social interactions and intra-family interactions. For a adolescent, the venues of success are performance at school, social interactions with other of same age, interactions with parents and future aspirations.
What works
All of us, parents and students, have experienced certain style of working that works better than other. Those of us who work for living have also seen some professional grow faster than others. During our lifetime, we have developed certain views on what is effective in school and at work and what is less helpful. In this part, we talk about these ideas and experiences. Is Graduate School important? Who is likely to get more responsibility and compensation at work place? How do you conquer difficult subjects? Can you score more points in an exam and spend less time than other students studying for it?
Guidelines
- Speak in first person Avoid sentences that start with "you need to do this", start it with "I should be doing it". Instead of saying "you have to do this", use "i strive to do this".
- Equal Time for everyone Please use your time wisely. All participants are required to speak and the person with highest clock usage gets lowest priority for next speaking turn.
- Separate facts and opinions We could not possibly know for sure that college admission process is random. We only know that we have not figured out what works at a particular college. It is a fact if we do not know. It is an opnion if we say that the process is arbitrary.
- Speak positive, avoid negative We should try to use positive approach. Talking about what does not work is of little value. Let us focus on what we know works, it is more helpful.
- Minimize arguments If we disagree with someone, a simple statement stating the disagreement is sufficient. We should avoid explaining why we think a certain idea is unworkable. We should use our words to focus on the positive and what works for us.
- Avoid filler words Words like "Eh", "Ah", "like", "you know what i mean" and waving of hands to explain something are pointless. Please take your time, frame your sentences and then expres them.
- Complete sentences Many time we tend to stop in the middle of a sentence leaving it to the listener's imagination to complete. We should avoid that tendency in an intellectual converation and speak in complete and grammatically correct english sentences.
- One person at a time Only one person will speak at a time. This is a group conversation, not a dialogue or argument and one needs to wait for turn to speak. There will not by any interruption of the speaker.
- Honesty/Opinion Since we expect everyone to be honest, there is no need to start sentences with words like 'To be honest' or 'I am being totally honest here'. Since we are only expressing what we think, it is also good to avoid phrases like "I think". A sentence is perfect, not when there is nothing to add to it, but when there is nothing to remove from it.
Role of Moderator
The role of the moderator is to keep the conversation going for the duration by inviting different participants to speak. The moderator is expected to keep a clock and after the opening statements is expected to give the person with least amount of used time to speak. The moderator may suggest a topic but the participant is free to speak about anything he or she wants. The moderator has a right to take the microphone away for any reason. The guidelines described above are just guidelines, we expect participants to follow it but the participants are free to express themselves in any manner they see fit. The moderators decisions about time allocation cannot be questioned during the session, the power of moderator is absolute. The moderator does not get a speech of hiw own and needs to limit moderator time usage to a minimum.
Participant vs. Spectator
We expect everyone present and of age to participate. Participation by one parent is considered participation by the whole family. Non-participant familes (spectators) should have a sponsor in one of the participating families. This conversation only makes sense if everyone is honest and opens up. It is also an opportunity to observe for parents to observe their kids engage in an adult conversation and an opportunity for kids to see how their parents would behave in a group environment. Hopefully, we will develop new respect for each other.